If a friendly gesture that is not returned as expected prompts a negative reaction, what was the real intent?
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In 2023, I was almost exactly in the middle of my first fastest-known-time attempt when I passed another rider stopped on the edge of the trail. Minutes later, this same person rode up next to me, looked over, and started to speak. I didn’t hear what they said, but replied,
“I really want to ride by myself today.”
This person looked at me for a moment longer and then dropped back, without protest.
On another solo ride, someone else approached me from behind and settled into my draft, without a word. After a moment of internal deliberation, I silently turned up the gas until I was on my own again.
While chatting at a trailhead with a friend at the end of another ride, a stranger approached us with questions like, “Where are you ladies headed?” and at one point, physically stood between her and I. This individual took the cue from my minimalist replies, in sharp contrast from my friend’s warmth, and went on their way.
These three interactions prompted an appeal on a relevant, regional Facebook group where I asked that, as a collective, it be considered how we welcome ourselves into close proximity to unfamiliar people without invitation.
I looked back hours later to see that the post had gone just a little viral, garnering over 300 comments with reactions all over the map. A significant number of people understood my point, while another group pointed out, fairly aggravatedly, that people were just trying to be nice, while simultaneously mocking my decision to say anything about it.
I received one direct message reading, “Go back to Indiana. In Missouri, people are friendly.”
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Here is my position. My work regularly carries a priority theme of autonomy and social agency that challenges cultural norms. I am regularly misread, and the following is written from that perspective. The themes discussed in this essay are supported by current published work in social psychology.
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I came across an Instagram reel recently that followed this premise—a cyclist encounters another, greets them, and responds with satirical grievance when the other rider does not respond.
The comment section mostly stays at the same level of humor as this creator. Some examples of those that break that pattern are:
“Those are passive haters.”
“People should be less afraid to be positive.”
“I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. They probably had earbuds in.”
“Not sure what some people’s issues are. Being nice costs nothing.”
In my case, it’s,
I am able to think the most clearly when on the bike, alone, and I don’t experience greetings from strangers as mundane pleasantries. Instead, it reads to me as,
*Snap*
“Pay attention to me.”
I wave, or nod, or exclaim, “Hello!” to those I recognize when I am not in that zone. When I am, and I choose not to break it abruptly, it’s implied there’s something wrong with me.
But I don’t keep score if anyone responds or not.
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Professional cyclist Jonas Vingegaard crashed earlier this week, on a solo training ride, while attempting to create space from an amateur rider that was following him.
A quote from the fan was published in an article posted by IDL Pro Cycling on MSN.
“Jonas crashed when he tried to drop me at the Queen’s Fountain, and when I stopped to ask how he was, he got angry with me because I had followed him. I don’t do this for my work; I’m an amateur like most people, so I don’t understand his anger as a professional.”
This scenario echoes current and historical discourse around fan interactions with public figures. What I see in them are larger, more news-worthy examples of the same social assumption that operates within my above anecdotes—you are assumed available for interaction any time you are in public, and narrated as the questionable party if you respond against that expectation.
In this article, fellow professional rider Paul Penhoët asks the following question:
“Why don’t they just ask if we mind them staying close?”
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I have proposed this same idea before, with the caveat that a person’s honest answer, or lack thereof, be accepted even if it provokes internal disappointment.
The brain has a predominantly unconscious process of sorting behaviors into “positive” and “negative,” or if you’re more critically minded, “it depends” buckets.
They said “Hello,” let me sit at their table, join them in their workout, have a conversation with them at work, so they were nice.
They did not reply, declined conversation, said they were not comfortable with someone being so close to them, so they were not nice.
But an honest response is not good or bad.
It just is.
I will the machine. 